Recovery is Personal - So Let’s Stop Policing it

In recovery spaces, we talk a lot about healing — healing from trauma, healing from substance use, healing relationships, and healing ourselves. But sometimes, what people call “healing” starts to look like control. Like moral superiority. Like judgment.

And that’s not healing.
That’s harm.

Tearing Someone Down Doesn’t Make You Healed — It Makes You Dangerous

When someone starts to feel stronger in their recovery, it’s natural to want others to feel that freedom too. But for some, that passion turns into pressure: “If it worked for me, it should work for you.” That mindset quickly becomes a slippery slope — where people begin to measure others' progress against their own path.

Suddenly, abstinence becomes the only “valid” goal. Twelve steps become the only “real” recovery. Medications like Suboxone or methadone become “crutches.” Harm reduction becomes “enabling.” And people who don’t meet those standards? They’re seen as not trying hard enough — or worse, not deserving of support.

But here’s the truth:
Every recovery journey is personal.
Every path is valid.

What helps one person might hurt another. And what looks like “not doing the work” from the outside might actually be the hardest thing someone’s ever had to do.

Substance Use Is Often Survival — Not Defiance

Before we criticize how someone uses substances, we need to ask: what need was that substance meeting?

• Was it calming unbearable anxiety?

• Was it numbing out trauma no one believed?

• Was it offering connection when no one else would?

Judging people for how they survive, especially in the early stages of healing, doesn’t make them want to “get better.” It makes them feel unworthy. And shame is not a motivator. It’s a silencer.

When Shame Disguises Itself as Concern

Sometimes judgment hides behind good intentions. You might hear:

• “They just need to hit rock bottom.”

• “They need tough love.”

• “They’re not ‘clean’, so they’re not really in recovery.”

These are all rooted in control, not care. True compassion means supporting people where they are, not where you think they should be.

There’s a big difference between boundaries and shame. Between accountability and cruelty. Between support and surveillance.

Recovery Isn’t a Competition

If someone’s healing journey looks different than yours — good. That means recovery is becoming more inclusive, more adaptable, and more real. There’s no prize for doing it “the right way,” and there’s no punishment for taking a different road.

Whether someone is abstinent, using medication-assisted treatment, practicing harm reduction, or still figuring things out — they deserve support, dignity, and access to care.

Lead With Compassion — Not Control

We are not here to gatekeep recovery. We’re here to walk alongside people — not pull them toward the path we chose, but help them find their own way forward.

If your version of healing includes shaming others, it’s time to look closer.

Because lives depend on compassion.
And recovery grows when people feel safe, not judged.